Wow, June 25th was a long time ago. I am unable to really get a chance to get to this these days. Although it is very therapeutic. I did not get the job at SRC. Quite sad about it but know there is a reason. Things will work out for me and I am just waiting to find out where.

I appreciate all the readers that pray for me. I know God hears you and will provide for me in one way or the other. I am totally trusting in that. He is my provider.

I will try to be more diligent on posting though. Until next time.

Job Interview

I have an interview today at SRC Recycling at 2:00pm. I am so excited I can hardly sit still. God sure does provide. I have been more than patient. I know it will pay off. Things for me are a little weird right now. I am just waiting for something to come my way so I can be home for good.

How many times have I had to wait and God just shows up? Many, but I still find myself getting anxious. I trust and believe in God's goodness, yet I still doubt in my heart. I know I'm not the only one. Why do we do this? It is the strangest thing to me. I don't consider myself someone on the fence but when situations like this occur it makes me wonder.

Friends who read this please trust God for me that this job will pan out. I'm tired and frustrated so this would help a lot. Just knowing I would have a stable income and be able to provide for my family would be such a relief.

Another Day in the Life

Here I sit again. I was so looking forward to being out of jail and on my way to bigger and better things. Now I am struggling to figure out how to get a job. Everything these days is so impersonal. On-line resumes hurt me because I look horrible on paper. Nobody will even interview me because of it and I know if I was to at least have an interview then I could get in somewhere. What happened to the face to face contact of the past?

I know I sound discouraged right now and I am but I still trust that the Lord has something for me. I will continue to be patient and not complain too much.

Of course I don't have much time so I must go but I am glad to have at least written a little. Until next time my readers, God bless you.

I am totally freaking out. I don't know what to do. I need a job. I have a few leads but nothing is panning out. I am a little upset still that the BOP made me quit my job. As soon as I do have a 40 hour work week in then I may go home. I want to be with my babies. Plus my mom really needs to have someone to take care of her on a full time level. She is really starting to get bad. Lately I am beginning to believe that she is off her meds again. I hope she can just hold out until I am able to get home. Then she may have to go to the hospital for a couple months.

When I talk about it i realize how casual and cold I've become. It should be a major ordeal and to most it would be but for me it's just another day in the life. Crazy! The name of my life.

My story cont.

I grew up in Forest Lake, MN on a 120 acre homestead. I had the best times in my life there. Any good memory I've had, it's been there. My grandfather owns the land and has made it our home. He is the best man I know. He is still living and I saw him the other day and the light in his eyes made my heart sing.

As I was growing up I had a very difficult time. My mother is Bi-polar with a schizophrenic disorder. At first we were not sure what it was but when I turned 10 she was finally diagnosed. I spent a good deal of my childhood taking care of her. I think that is why I have such a strong sense of duty to others now. I will get to more tales of that at another time but it was difficult nonetheless.

She always kept secrets and was very isolated at times. She was constant in one thing only and that is her inconsistancy. I love her to death so please don't get me wrong. That is my mother. It just wasn't easy growing up so fast. My dad, the man I call my dad, adopted me at the age of 6 when he married my mother. I don't think he understood what he was getting into. But it has worked out in the end.
Well, I'm out of time at this place so maybe I will write more when I get to the library!

First time out

Today I took the bus with a couple girls from the halfway house so they knew what to do. I am real glad that I am able to do this for them because I remember my first bus ride. It was scary in itself but after being out of society for so long it became a stressful situation. Linda, a lady who was there, actually took me so I only thought it appropriate to pay it forward.
I also enjoyed the look on their faces as they people watched and checked out the world the first time through new eyes. No matter who you are or what your circumstances were, prison changes you. Either for good or for bad but it does change you. I wonder how I looked the first time in almost 6 years in a new world not my own?

My story

I was recently told by a friend that I should write my story. So, I think I will. Where do I begin? I don't really know.

My life was complicated from the begining. But I don't think I'll start there. Let me start when I went to prison. Prison for me was an awakening. I learned things about myself there that I wouldn't have known otherwise. So, for that I am greatful. I know that sounds really weird to most people. I am thankful for prison. But it's true. I learned that I want to be a lady, and a stand up type of person. I learned how to respect myself and not take things for granted. What more can one ask?
The one thing I didn't ask for and happened anyway was the wonderful people I came to know and love. There are so many I can't even begin to tell you. I have never been the one to have good friends. I was such a miserable person I don't think anyone could stand to be around me. And now all I hear from my friends is how delightful I am. I'm not sure how much of that is just smoke but it makes me feel good and it shows me there has been some positive change.
Right now I guess that is how I will start. I don't have much time left on my computer usage so I'll leave you with that for now.